I live in one of the most exciting cities on this planet. I moved here from the country a few years ago, and I still can’t get over how inspirational this place can be. This view greeted me yesterday as the sun was setting. I had my headphones in and was walking to nowhere in particular. I’m not a particularly spiritual human being, but something about the scenery made me feel at peace, even if just for a moment…
I think I just wrote a paragraph without making a joke or wise crack of any kind. Let’s fix that; I think the best part about divorce as a man would be all the ex-wife jokes you could make.
Did that come out of nowhere? Yes. Are we going with it? Again, yes. Let me explain.
Now, in no way have I been divorced. Hell, I haven’t even been married. And should I get married, I would do my absolute best not to get divorced. However I believe that if it did happen to me, I would take solace in knowing I could get a few cheap laughs out of it.
Let me give you an example. Say if you said to me, ‘Wow Josh, you are so helpful!’, I could then turn around and say, “Bloody, tell that to my ex-wife’. Comedy. Gold.
And there are so many combinations of this type of joke, all of them brilliant. I also imagine middle aged men to be wearing polo shirts and shorts that are a little too short. Maybe some kind of tacky hat they found in a show-bag from the Ekka in 1997 to hide the ever growing bald spot on the top of their head?
I personally can’t imagine a middle aged man without a beer in one hand and a pair of tongs in the other.
It’s also hard to imagine them without the underlying depression and anxiety that sets in as the years creep by, knowing that the children that visit him every fortnight will someday stop visiting and it will just be him, alone in his townhouse in Croydon regretting his life decisions until it gets too hard to be alone so he set’s up an account on Plenty O’ Fish and starts dating Patricia who, while she is beautiful, is not the same woman they fell in love with 20 years ago.
Hang on, what if by the time I finish this blog that’s where I end up? What if in five years time I’ve been both married and divorced. That’s fucked…
“You know what else is fucked? My bloody ex-wife!”. See? Gold.