Harry Potter and The Philosophers Sandwich

Sandwiches. Invented by Kevin Rudd in 2009, Sandwiches have become a worldwide phenomenon. Sandwiches are synonymous with my childhood, more specifically my school lunches. But in recent years I’ve seen myself move away from sandwiches.

I’m not here today to discuss recipes and ideas for fabulous sandwiches, rather I’m here to discuss the philosophical questions the childhood lunch favourite poses to us.

It seems to me that I outgrew sandwiches. There are only so many days of peanut butter on white bread in a row you can take before you need a change. I spent at least the first eleven years of my schooling life eating sandwiches for lunch every day. That’s five sandwiches a week for eleven years. I’ve done the math, and basically, that comes to the total of five billion sandwiches.

There’s a point in everybody’s life when they outgrow their childhood. Where we put our dollies away, and they pack up our Tonka trucks. There a point in everybody’s life where we abandon the sandwich.

But what do we replace it with?

I’ve tried filling the gaping hole sandwiches left behind. Pasta, Tuna, Maggi Chicken Flavoured Cup Noodles. Nothing seems to do the trick. Sure I can fill myself with noodles until I feel physically Ill, but no amount of Maggi Chicken Flavoured Cup Noodles will repair the emotional scarring the sandwich left behind.

Recently I’ve been dreaming about sandwiches, wondering if I made the right decision. What If I was too hasty? Maybe sandwiches have changed? I hear Subway are doing wraps now, maybe that’s what I need?

If you were to look at my YouTube browsing history, you would see the word sandwich appear more than once. I know I shouldn’t, but watching other people making wonderful sandwiches helps me through, you know? It helps me realise that I no longer feel like I’m dependent on those sandwiches. The videos help me feel like I can finally move on.

Oh, who am I kidding? I’m miserable without sandwiches.

Today I decided enough was enough. I assembled the troops; Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato, Cheese, Bread. I invited a fried egg and some bechamel sauce to the party as well. If we’re going to sandwich, then, we’re going to do it right. I built the most carefully constructed sandwich I’ve made in my life. My heart was pounding. It looked so beautiful, and I was a mess. Would it recognise me? Would it even want to talk to me?

I picked that sandwich up. I took one deep breath and dove head first into euphoria. The hole inside me was filled to the brim for the first time in years, and it felt good.

I’m sorry sandwich, let’s never fight again.



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