I’ve achieved many things in my life. But there is one thing I can’t do. No matter how hard I’ve tried in the past. Lord how I have tried. I’m not proud of this fact. It haunts me day and night. It’s gotten to the point where I can no longer function in a normal, day to day lifestyle until I achieve this goal. I will finally do the one thing I can’t do.
I can’t grow facial hair.
The whole purpose of this blog was to document the progression of my life between now and when I turn thirty. Surely the saddest way to end the blog would be to writing that I have yet to actually grow any facial hair of any kind.
And so the challenge begins. To be fair, I’ve tried this before in the past, to miserable failure. But this time, my commitment to the cause shall not waver! It’s a simple challenge really; don’t shave until I have something that resembles facial hair. As far as physical effort, this is the easiest problem I’ve ever encountered, but the humiliation is what gets to me.
See, I don’t grow facial hair consistently. I’m patchy, you know? Most real men have the ability to grow stubble overnight. It takes me at least three days. Right now I think we’re sitting at almost a week into the grow. I look like most men look on day two.
I’m no mathematician, but if it takes me three days to grow stubble, and it takes a regular man one day to do the same, then it should take me roughly 12 billion years to grow anything. Am I destined to forever look like a small boy going through puberty?
What if the answer to that question is yes?
How will I ever be a real man if I’m unable to create a physical representation of manliness on my face? But you know what, I’m willing to wait. Maybe I need to train harder to be a man? I wish I could montage my way into manliness, complete with the greatest song of Mulan, ‘Let’s Get Down to Business’
Damn. Mulan. So good.
Let the challenge continue: I might keep track on a weekly basis. As humiliating as it may be to take a photo, I think I have a duty to do so. For science.
Man, there were like no jokes in this one. It’s been a long day, and I would hate to miss a blog post. I’m finding a real pattern and rhythm in writing. Well, when I have time to write that is. Now if you don’t mind I have some Rick and Morty to watch.