Sunday’s Sleepy Sturgeons. And also Bears.

It’s a Sunday, and I’m pretty wiped out. That seems to be a current theme with most of my posts lately. Maybe I should get some good old’ shut eye? Look, an afternoon nap never hurt anybody. Well, unless you are a pilot. Or a train driver. Or a surgeon.

Also: did anybody ever do a Weird Al Yankovic-style cover of the Weird Al Yankovic song, ‘Like a Surgeon’, and changed it to ‘Like a Sturgeon’?

The point I’m trying to make is that napping is a good thing. Bears do it for half of the year, and bears are like the strongest animal. Have you ever fought a bear? No, of course not, because you would get your ass kicked. Everybody knows bears are all at least a yellow belt in taekwondo and have six years of modern dance training.

They’re basically unstoppable.

Don’t you believe me? Let me show you how dominant bears can be.

Cast your minds back to the late 90’s. There was one bear that emerged onto our screens and influenced thousands upon thousands of children each and every day. And not one person would bat an eyelid. This bear infiltrated our culture and presented itself as one of us.

Within no time at all he had gained the trust of Mr Packer and started working for Channel Nine, a corporation so evil they allow Sonia Kruger to vocalise her opinions on Muslim immigration. Why are you even famous Sonia Kruger?

The bear had a name synonymous with destruction and took pride in never wearing any pants in front of children. He polluted the minds and souls of our nation’s youth, and nobody ever thought to stop him. In the late 90’s, evil had three names;

Humphrey B. Bear.

What does the B stand for in Humphrey B. Bear? Probably bear. That’s right; I think his name was Humphrey Bear Bear. Do you think that’s stupid? What are you going to do, tell Humphrey about it? No, you’re not because Humphrey B. Bear will fuck you up.

I did hear one story though of a time when Humphrey B. Bear went on tour to Ballarat and fell off the stage into the orchestra pit. Stupid bear.

Boy, that was a bit silly. Nap time now. Bye!




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