The Day I Realised I’m the Funniest Human Alive. Also known as Thursday.

I had a moment today. Not like a senior moment like my director just had, but like an “I’m the funniest human being alive” moment. I should probably give some context.

At the moment I’m sitting in the middle of rehearsals. I’m offstage at the moment, so it’s fine. Anyway, in the production I’m currently apart of, there is a fridge on stage. The set is decked out like a living room. Somebody just asked whether the fridge would be on stage. And in my head, I told myself to ask whether the fridge would be running on stage, purely so I could then yell out, “then you better go catch it!”

And in my head, I told myself to ask whether the fridge would be running on stage, purely so I could then yell out, “then you better go catch it!”

Is this an incredibly old joke? Yes. Is this joke not even funny and actually horrible? Yes. Did I still laugh to myself way too much because I’m a fucking comedy genius?

You’re damn right I did.

Between this and my garbage joke (which is also totally funny and you can read here), I think I’m more than ready to do stand up for a profession. And by that I mean why on earth would I ever consider standing up in front of people and telling the poorly written jokes that only appeal to me thanks to my sense of self-worth and sheer lack of humility?

Honestly, in this entire month, those are the two best things I’ve managed to come up with when it comes to ‘jokes’. But I mean, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Wait, has anybody actually ever looked up how long it took to build Rome?

I just did it. Approximately 1,009,491 days.

I just laughed at the fact I just wrote “How long did it take to build Rome?” into google. Who actually does that!?

Damn, I should have asked Jeeves.

Ok, so I think I’m almost back on stage. Somebody just made a machine gun sound. Well, it sounded more like somebody having a stroke, but you know.

If there is something we’ve learned today, it’s the fact that I have no future in comedy but I do have a future in some profession that does involve self-deprecation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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