Budgetchef. Or Masterbudget.

So. Yesterday go a little weird, didn’t it? I think either I was having a really profound moment with my apple, or a mild aneurysm. Also, I swear aneurysm is now a frequently used word in my vocabulary.

I wouldn’t be surprised if one day while I’m out in the farm (which I clearly do on a frequent basis), a wild aneurysm comes out of the woods and attacks me and I yell out Help! Help! Aneurysm Aneurysm,! but nobody would believe me because of all the times I’ve cried Aneurysm in the past and so I’d die.

I know I promised to talk about the budget, but a far more pressing issue has come up between yesterday and today that I think has far more journalist scope and depth. Something that affects more Australian Citizens than any budget ever could.

Apparently Masterchef judge and worst boss ever George Calombaris got into a fight at a soccer match and is now getting charged with assault.

I really hope that his lawyer shakes him up and tells him to “get it together yeah?” while slapping the back of his hand to assert his dominance. Also Gary Meehan is just standing in the background pulling faces at the camera as if he is addressing the audience directly. Stop it Gary, you’re not meta.

Can you imagine though if he gets charged for assault? If it actually happened, I think I would apply for Masterchef, make it to the final 24, cook a very flavourless dish and when Georgieboy asks me what i think i could add to improve it I would say, “maybe its needs some more assault and pepper.”

“And the award for greatest joke ever goes to…”

It’s hard to talk about the budget without wanting to plunge my head into shark infested waters. But you know what though? I wish the budget was presented in the style of an elimination challenge from Masterchef. Scott Morrison has 45 minutes to cook up a delicious budget for a family of four using only the fiscal gains of the previous financial year. Also the pantry is in play.

Speaking of things that don’t work, my laptop died last night. It’s been really hard to get these posted, and for the next week its going to be a bit sporadic. But hey, at least it’s not some weird rambling about apples, amirite?

I also wanted to talk about how great Bertie Beetles are, but I think that’s probably all I need to say on the matter.


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